“Through IFS we can learn to trust ourselves and trust our own inner guidance.” – Richard Schwartz.
I ask that you use your own personal discrimination when reading this article, and set aside any words, aspects or concepts that do not resonate with you. For I recognise your freedom to choose what is right for you, and would not wish to violate your freewill, but rather, I would act only as a resource for your seeking.
Before we were born, before we incarnated into our present lives, we chose exactly what the theme of our incarnation will be. We chose our colour, our sex, our bodily attributes, our family of origin, our energy type, our intelligence, etc. These 'aspects' represent the vibrational configuration of our incarnation, designed to meet the requirements of the themes that we will be working towards to meet our goals and objectives.
You see, you are always in charge of what is going on for you, even if you don't know it or believe it. Freewill is the highest gift of conscious entities. Therefore, all that befalls you, is by your choice - I ask you to never forget that, for it empowers you!!
I hear you ask, 'If that is so, then why do I suffer?' Well, you suffer because you have lessons to learn and understand, so that you can grow and evolve as a soul. You are always individuating, i.e. growing towards your perfect self. Each life is an exploration of how to achieve that. Suffering in the context of multiple incarnations, makes a strange sort of sense. Without the suffering how would you grow? Without the suffering what would force us to take new actions, come to certain conclusions, behave in more openhearted ways, and advance our wisdom about the true nature of existence? If all were rosy in the garden of life, what would help you to evolve?
“IFS is a gentle and compassionate way of guiding us towards inner healing and growth.” – Richard Schwartz
Suffering, sometimes known as contrast or alternatively, ' catalyst', is the cohering, directing and helpful signpost, which directs you to achieve your life's objective. You have lived many lives before, in many lineages, as men and women perhaps in all races of the world. For as a citizen of eternity, you get to choose all sorts of interesting incarnations.
So, within this context, what is your inner child? As we grow and mature through each life, we experience certain events, some are enjoyable, some are painful. The painful ones are challenging; the painful ones are suffering; the painful ones cause us to move in certain directions. The challenge with multi-incarnational arcs (many incarnations), is that in each life, we can suffer splintering's, and fragmentation of ourselves caused by the catalyst. This fragmentation represent parts of ourselves which could not properly process the suffering that we experienced, therefore they 'splintered' off from us. Each life perhaps has a plethora of such instances. Thus, when we are born these fragmented parts of ourselves come with us into our psyche's, as autonomous parts, which are not integrated into our human personality yet. Thus, the fragmentation into parts, becomes even more catalyst for growth, further on down the incarnational stream. Life on Earth as a non-physical entity, in a human body, can be very tough indeed. But remember, this is why you came here, this is what you chose - this is your mission. The evolution of your conscious entity is about broadening your perspective, again, and again. This article is re-minder, a coded message to your unconscious, to 'wake up', recall that you are the one that is in charge, that you are not a victim!
One of our jobs in each life, is to recognise these disparate parts, and begin to form a relationship with them. The part of ourselves which wants to form these relationships is our integrated healthy human personality, sometimes known as self-energy. As our human personality evolves through the individuation process, it becomes more stable, more grounded, more able to self-right, when it comes up against challenges. The stronger our human personality becomes the more balanced it is with the four archetypal energies, the more capable it is of meeting these inner parts of ourselves. The therapy of meeting these parts, is known as Internal Family Systems, or IFS (Click here for more details). If there is one thing that we can take forward onto to the next life, then it is the extent of our integrated human personality, which can form the basis of our next incarnation (if we so choose).
The objective of the individuating process is to achieve wholeness (Click here for more details). This can only be done by integrating all the autonomous complexes in our psyche, bringing home the neglected, lonely and forgotten parts of ourselves, which were lost along the way, in our incarnational arcs. Each emotional trigger that you have, your sadness, your grief, your loneliness, your despair, your urge to death, etc., arise from these parts, which you have not integrated yet.
“The more we can connect with our true self, the more we can find peace, joy, and fulfillment in life.” – Richard Schwartz.
So, what is your inner child within the context of what we have stated above? Perhaps we can look at it as the guiding principle by which we can re-contextualise all the suffering that we have experienced. The Inner Child in this context, can be seen as the innocent continuum which observes and experiences the various events and relationships that happen to us, from when we were an infant to this present moment (played out over many prior incarnations). As we experience suffering, we lose our innocence, our playfulness, our exuberance for life, bit by bit. Maturing into an adult, seems to be a process of taking on the burden of all the things in our life, which didn't work out, which didn't meet our expectations or dreams. However, these experiences could in fact be just echoes from previous lives, correlating into experiences in this life. In other words, they did not originate in this life, they originated in our other lives, in those parts of ourselves which got left behind, stranded in space and time, which have not form part of our integrated human personalities.
So, if this perspective resonates with you, perhaps you have an opportunity here, to recognise the themes of your current life, noting your emotional or triggers, and meet your own inner child. That inner child, or inner being, is the summation of all those parts, which are seeking your recognition and love. For underneath all this suffering, is a unique, beautiful, majestic conscious entity, who has been hurt by the collective suffering that you have chosen for yourself, in all your incarnations. You have the power to meet yourself, to encounter your unloved and unknown parts, to begin the process of calling them home. Your inner child is perhaps the original clean slate that existed before all the suffering that has befallen you. It is the spark of God, perhaps before the first incarnation, representing the playfulness, the expectancy, the joy of becoming your own unique, perfect self.
“IFS is based on the idea that healing is possible at any age, and at any stage in life.” – Richard Schwartz.
Each of these autonomous past life complexes, in your psyche, are what are known as 'Exiles.' They are guarded, by what is understood to be 'Protectors.' To meet and dialogue with the Exiles, you have to approach them via the Protectors. You see, as we lost each part of ourselves through the process of suffering, we left each part behind with a guardian to protect it, until we could come back and find it. Before integrating the Exile, we have to free the Protector. This can only be done by you, by your integrating human personality, working in alignment with your essence nature. See my article on finding your essence nature.
Your inner child is/are really your inner children, which we have inadvertently abandoned because perhaps we knew no different. I urge you to find an IFS therapist and begin the process of meeting your inner children - it is a beautiful and enlightening experience, which I have been undertaking for a year now. It has allowed me to be more compassionate with myself, more forgiving of my self-condemnation and self-criticism. It has enabled me to meet myself lovingly, to open my heart to my: traumas, my limiting beliefs, my negative patterns, my history of failures, solitude and hiding and acting out.
In the meantime, there is a practice that you can enter into, which might help you. When you are emotionally triggered, try to remember that this is one (or sometimes a complex) of your inner children calling to you for help - do not shun it, or turn away, or distract yourself, from its painful feelings. Begin the process of talking to them, either in your mind, or aloud. Differentiating their emotion, from your emotional state, is important. You can ask the part to dial back its emotion, to stop flooding you, inundating you with its feelings. You can say to the part, 'I can't help you if you are flooding me with your emotions.' If you feel an emotional state change, as a consequence of this request, then you know that you have commenced a relationship with that part. It is important that you be in your most compassionate, loving self, when you dialogue with your parts. Sometimes, one part can be talking to another part (that can be tricky indeed). However, if you have love, empathy and compassion in your heart, then you can be sure that you are in your Self-energy or highest version of yourself. You are the parent; you are the King or Queen; you are the saviour healing your lost children (parts).
Each part has a story to tell, each part wants to be integrated, each part wants to be released from it suffering. The parts become triggered because something in the environment, an incident, an image, something somebody said or done, feels to the Exile like the circumstances of the original trauma.
Below please find a poem which you can download that speaks to the experience of these parts.
“IFS is a reminder that we are all complex and multifaceted beings, and that there is no one right way to be.” – Richard Schwartz.
As you proceed to free each Protector, and integrate each Exile, you are becoming more whole, more balanced, more grounded, and integrated, you will experience less emotional toil, less instability, and more joy. Healing our inner children, will bring you more happiness, more loving, more connectedness, more of everything that you desire. Remember, the power to heal yourself is within you.
Please look out for further posts on this topic, around various practices that we can use to soothe ourselves when we are emotionally triggered.
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